Today I would like to discuss an increasingly disturbing phenomenon.
Birds flying in front of cars has become an anxious pet peeve of mine. Is it some kind of game to them? Do they enjoy risking their lives by flying past a car moving 60 miles per hour? It’s upsetting, and I’ve had enough. These birds need to learn that they can’t just go around flying in front of cars.
What happens if your window is open? How many of you have had nightmares about a bird flying into their open window and frantically trying to escape again. I’m screaming, the bird is screaming, there’s birdshit everywhere and I can’t see anything. I wake up drenched in cold sweat.
Statistics show that 1 out of every 10 birds to fly in front of a car gets hit. These statistics were recorded by the Bird and Bat Statistical Institution (BABSI), who set up lawn chairs along the roadside and sat there ticking off marks on a sheet of paper every time a bird was vaporized by a passing car or truck. The same results were thankfully not recorded for bats, who have a tendency to instead damage the cars and walk away unscathed. BABSI was quick to note the similarity between bats and moose, despite the small size of these flying mice.
All of this brings into question the mental development of this species. Just the other day I witnessed a bird fly headfirst into a garage door and knock itself unconscious. Is it possible that this is nature shuffling out the weaker species? Is the decrease in intelligence the precursor to extinction? Is this what happened to the dinosaurs?
And a much scarier question…will this be our fate as well?